Many guys are like; “I want to marry a girl that will love me and will be willing to do anything for me”.
Do you know it is in our nature (as women) to love? That’s why God said; You, the man should love. Chai! if you can do this one thing! Chai! The woman will not even be able to stop talking about you. Your love will exude from her, she will be understanding, she will be submissive, she will do anything for you!
This is not love; rounds of sex, phone love, etc. Real Love is shown in the worth and amount of service you give to your partner, in making every time you spend with her memorable.
Truth is; for a woman; Love-making begins in the morning, not at night when you begin the romance and foreplay. A woman who you have pampered and loved well is more susceptible to be ‘driven’ at night. she is more responsive in Love.Tweet
Woman! Woman! Do not force yourself on a Man who does not love you (except you are willing to be the man of course!). A man can get used to you much like as to his sisters, he may become accustomed to you, much like to his colleagues, friends and acquaintances but he will never love you, if he never did o!
How many married men spend more time with ‘a best friend or a friend’ than with their spouses?
It was the reason God in his wisdom gave men that big assignment and put the caveat to it;
as Christ loved the Church, to the point of giving himself for her…
Because some men will claim they love you, but cannot give up their side of the bed for you, not even when you are pregnant! Now, they are charged even with giving up ‘their lives’ and this is a point of note for those who cannot even give up little things!
For me, Love begins with the little things. It begins from the ‘way you look at me’. I am beautiful, so, it’s natural to have people ‘stare’ at me or to take an instant liking to me and think they love me, but that ‘look’ is different.
That stare that can go on for hours with neither of you saying anything, where your silence communicates the unspoken words between you two; where this kind of bond exists, the bond is usually unbreakable, no matter how much ‘forces, principalities and powers‘ try to separate you!
It doesn’t matter to you, right? Good
Dear Single lady,
Many women are living with their brothers in the the name of; “Ah! all my mates are married!” so, they want to put pressure on you to ‘speed it up and get married’ , like a man is something you walk into the parking lot, select one and drive out!Tweet
A person who has not found love, romance, partnership and deep friendship that is borne from a certain contentment one cannot lay his hand on will always be ready to poke their nose in other people’s affairs, since they really have no lives of their own, right?
I have never seen my Parents force or talk anyone into getting married, most especially using the line; “ile obinrin o maa n pe su“; a snide remark meant to reference how a woman’s age affects her child-bearing abilities.
because they know this simple fact;
and they know, waiting for such a man to find you is not a ‘walk in the park’.
especially mothers, why do you mount pressure on your children to get married? Do you want to enjoy your marriage or have your marriage riddled with dispute-settling between your children and their spouses?
Many women are living with their brothers in the name of; “Ah! all my mates are married o”.
Later. you will be like; “African men are not romantic”. Is it true or was it because you did not wait for that one that can turn you on with just his look to find you? Was it because you settled for convenience? You neither waited to see or feel the attraction nor experience the spark.
Please leave African men alone!
case 1 scenario
I have met three ‘very romantic African men’, one of which was just a ‘platonic friend’ (platonic friend is in quotes because our friendship graduated to the point of pecking each other). Yea! that’s a serious one for me because I rarely ‘HUG’ people not to talk of going the extra mile of giving a ‘peck’.
He went the extra mile and will sing and play the guitar for me, and when he looked at me, there was something about it; he will drink in the sight, suck in a deep breath and then step back from me. I can not even lie! I enjoyed it, even though he wasn’t my boyfriend (Yes! I had a whole boyfriend at the time).
Why was I not getting this kind of sweet vibes from my Man? I settled for someone who told me he loved me but who I loved deeply and could do anything for ( I was the man I guess. lol).
it was a sweet experience.
The other romantic African man I have met would sit by my feet and feed me, he will hold my leg and rest his head on my thighs, he will open the car door for me, he was very respectful, he never crossed the line, no matter how much or how long we stared at each other.
I thought I had to ‘love him too’. So, I waited until he slipped out of my hands, it was very painful at the time. lol.
You already know who the third will be, him. You know it’s no longer unusual for a man to cook for you, but to bring in tidbits for you while cooking? that’s a whole different level. He constantly ‘upped’ his game that even my friends ‘met him’ before they ‘met him’, he is a living part of me, he gave himself in Love. Even though he was not perfect, his love was. yenyenyeneyen.
Do you know the common factor all three had? None of them ever said; “I Love you”. From my end, it took a while for me to even realize this was the way love was meant to feel and look like because I was used to those who said; “I Love you” who ended up hurting me.’
One day, I brought it up with him, he was so expressive, that I could ask him anything on whatever topic I desired! So, I asked him; “why don’t you say things like; ‘Baby, I love you, your hair is lovely, you are so cute’?
He threw his head backwards and laughed in consternation and said; “Oh, so na wetin dey move una be that” meaning “Oh! Is that the kind of thing women love to hear that makes them happy?” That reply was sufficient for me, as I never asked again.
Now, my mature mind knows better.
Also, I do not have a selfie taken with any of them. The pictures I have with them are pictures others took of us. Time spent with them was quality time, I lost myself in the conversations we had! The negatives are in my mind, no one has access to them and I can develop them to my pleasure and taste any day I so desire.
Also, they never felt ‘tensed’ in the presence of another guy, in a way, they just know they have your attention. This here is the goal. If they showed anything, it was a certain level of possessiveness not jealousy, because they knew they had your attention. Much like; “I am her best deal”.
See, my husband must be romantic, so must my SON! I will give birth to you to make a girl’s life better. I have experienced it and the feeling is great in fact it is incomparable.
After each ‘meet’, it feels like; you got your car engine serviced by its manufacturer and you immediately look forward to another ‘meet’ because a Man who loves you is a ‘Fountain of Love’ that can never run dry. Every time, he is asking you; “my Cat-Ai, what do you want? what would you like? Where would you go?”
You don’t even need to ask for something before he gives you because he has allowed himself to ‘feel you in himself’ and there is no feeling of emptiness whatsoever!
At the end of the day,
Love is Sweet o, when money enter, Love is sweeter
Dear Man, you got to work! If you don’t have money, your love will be incomplete and you will be unable to ‘earn the wife of your youth’.
You know I used to think that this line of thought was ‘faulty, incomplete, replete with expectations, not practicable, not achievable, etc.’ I thought a man would have only one or the other. I believed that entertaining such thoughts meant I was a Gold-digger and that this line of thought was fraught with complaints or disappointments. What did I come to discover? It was false!
Dear Man, wifey will need the basic conveniences of life to be able to properly serve you; the food that goes into the stomach and the other food that satisfies your groin. She will need these conveniences to reciprocate the acts of Love you show her.
Okay, you need her to come to bed smelling like Roses, with hair and nails neatly done, but she spent the whole day; washing, cleaning, cooking, helping the kids with school assignment and she still went to work like you. IT CAN’T WORK!
Money affords you not just the basic necessities of life but also your Wife
Work, so that you can have her and all to yourself.
If she is providing for herself, for you, for the family, Man, she is the man! You got to give her some credits, you are the woman now, even though God did not make you so!
Do you know the downside of all of this? When you decide to switch the roles and become the man, here is what happens;
A man is wired to be the provider, to be the Protector, to cater to and pamper you!
Hmm… If you take any of these roles from him and try to ‘help him’ and you catch him sniffing around another girl, it’s not because ‘He is ungrateful!’, it’s because he wants to feel and explore his manliness. It is only in the presence of this ‘helpless girl’, he has he felt it.
Allow a man help himself! Do not marry a man with the intention of ‘helping him’, of ‘raising him’, he will never be happy and will most certainly never be your husband.
You are the boss lady around the house, constantly shouting everyone down, Oga constantly jumps to protect the ‘HELP’. Nothing is going on between them, you have become the Man, so he is just exhibiting his manly traits, since you need no protection and pampering anymore, he diverts that ‘feeling of manliness’ to the ‘HELP’.
Dear Mother in Law,
Okay, things never worked for you this way and all, then you divert all your attention to your Child. Good a thing, Precious Mother!
You shunned all your friends, turned down all invitation to parties and other forms of social activities, you stopped living as soon as you gave your child life, you poured yourself into your child.
Then this special person comes along and you think this person is going to take your child from you. You begin to compete with this person. Why?
The place of a mother can never be interchanged for that of a spouse and vice versa. I believe having a daughter/son-in-law is actually a gift and should be seen as such, where you have spent all your life pouring into this person, the effort is about to be duplicated.
Then, comes the question; “what if the daughter or son-in-law does not love me?” Focus on your own child, because your child will still love you.