MY LOVE -SOLEDAD

How do I get through one night without you
If I had to live without you
What kinda life would that be
Oh I need you in my arms, need you to hold
You are my world, my heart, my soul
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away
Everything good in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live
Without you
There would be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There'd be no world left for me
And I, baby, I don't know what I would do
I'd be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away
Everything real in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How do I…

How do I Live Lyrics by Leann Rimes

I have always been the hopeless Romantic, always in Love, always sharing Love! I heard this song and naturally, I fell in Love with it.

What did you expect?

But one question tugged the strings of my heart; “will I ever find someone I would love this much?” Although, I had promised myself to only marry for Love, this type of expectation felt too high.

Then, one day, I met someone who even though when he was miles away from me; he could feel my pain. He could tell when I was sick, when I was distressed, when I was in pain, he felt me in him!

I did not like his ways initially, then one day he told me; “I will never leave you, try as you may, I am not like all those your other friends, you always throw away o!”

I thought it was a joke but true to his word, he never left me! He stood by me, no matter what I did, he forgave me.

I wanted him all to myself! I did not want to share him with anyone or be at the risk of losing him. One day, I asked him, why he could not ‘send all those other people off’ (ex inclusive) since He now had me and I was ready to be there for him?

Then, He told me; “each person has their space and time, I don’t throw my friends away.”

Eventually, I got used to these and began to enjoy my own space and time with him. Some times, I felt like He was testing me. Other times, I could not even understand what he was talking about.

His ways of thoughts, his counsel, his reasoning managed to elude me. Then, I would ask him why He could never be straightforward and why he liked stressing me and He would reply; “If you know everything about me, you may soon throw me away like you did the others”.

True, He was right, because not only was I unable to cheat on his love, it was almost impossible to leave him.

Sometimes I stayed away, staying away only drew us closer.

Then, One day, He called me; He told me; He was going on a journey and I had to pray for him! I asked where He was going, He would not tell.I sucked it in and promised not to be bothered.

The first month passed, I did not hear from him, I felt; “well, maybe I finally learnt to live without him”.

The Second month passed and I wondered where he was and why he was taking so long to return.

On the night of the first day of the third month, his protégé called me to tell me He Had Passed on on the last day of the second month; the month of Love!

Like a dream it seemed, then reality dawned on me and I realized it was time to sing, “Soledad“.

If only you could see the tears
In the world you left behind
If only you could heal my heart
Just one more time
Even when I close my eyes
There's an image of your face
And once again I come to realise
You're a loss I can't replace

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Walking down the streets
Of Nothingville
Where our love was young and free
Can't believe just what an empty place
It has come to be
I would give my life away
If it could only be the same
Cause I can't still the voice inside of me
That is calling out your name
Time will never change the things you told me
After all we're meant to be
Love will bring us back to you and me
If only you could see

Only that this time, it applied to me!

I cried and cried, I remember hitting the floor and saying; “Lord, if this is true, I would never serve you again!”

After some days, I returned to Church because I knew even you won’t permit me to mourn for long!

I sat on my usual seat on the first row and wept! Mass after Mass! I had lost the very will to live but too afraid to end my own life!

Two days after you passed on, I finally managed to sleep, I had a dream, it was my wedding day, I had just been married to the man and was on the wedding procession out of the Church, when I saw you had attended the wedding and was sitting on one of the back pews, you also got up to leave, downcast!

I thought about it for a long time, you have always been the mysterious one; an enigma even to me; your beloved.

Your dedication to your work is unparalleled! Excellence at service only matched by a few!

Nothing could stop me from thinking; What if?

Once, you had gone for battle for a complete year and half, .0 I never heard from you and one day, you called me up and told me; “Ooh, you thought I would leave you so easily?”

I have waited since then, to hear your voice again! If I had been there at your interment, if I had touched you cold, maybe it would have been easier to deal with this.

I have been to Maiduguri, seen your Obituary at the entrance of the Cantonment! I stood there almost venerating the poster made of you!

Escorted, I made my way to the cemetery, as they led me to your grave, we went further and further into the cemetery, I prayed that; “not even my worst enemy would experience this sort of pain!”

There I was on your grave, I began praying, playing with the stones, talking, just hoping that you would come from somewhere and tell me to keep this a secret between us as you were alive somewhere!

You were never a fan of devotional prayers.

I had tried to give you beads of the Holy Rosary the last time we met but you had rejected vehemently! I tried to put one in your car, you had rejected the gesture in the same vein.

My Love, I prayed for you. Each time there was a ceremony, I offered Pledges for you, more than being a Best friend and Loved one, you had become like an only child I was unwilling to lose.

It was difficult coping with you loss! It still is.

After your demise…

It is well…

You are forever in my heart, I wish you never had to go, but if it is true that you truly left, I want you to know you are the best friend I ever had, I want you to know our meeting was predestined by God. I want you to know that you were my second most favorite person in the world and the most important person in my life (these you knew and never took for granted).

I want you to know I am doing well.

I want you to know that my eating habit has not changed. lol. and I have not gotten anyone to follow up on me on that.

I am in touch with your people; the guys.

I have been hurt by her actions, but I know how you would have wanted me to handle such a thing, I have been calm.

Sometimes I am tempted to ask for those pictures we took at the party from Oga, but I remember asking you for those pictures and you had no idea. In your honor, I have restrained from asking for them.

When I think about you, I am sad. When I talk about you, I cry and the tears won’t stop! I feel your life was cut short in its prime but who am I to question God? I love you till eternity, my Adeife.

You are that one child, I wish I would have.

May your light continue to shine bright, may your love be everlasting.

Find a way to console your brother. Most times, I think I am hurting, then, I take a look at him and think mine is child’s play.

You see those questions, I promise not to bother you with them. Having to live without you has thought me a lot of lessons!

I still call your number when I feel so alone! I am so grateful MTN has not sold it out to someone else.

Many people say their loved one died and left a space, it was only when you died, I realized you were the other half of me.

I had to ask God to make me whole again! I can almost not recognize myself at times!

You gave me so much stability that each time I looked in your eyes, even when we were having a misunderstanding, I just knew all was going to be okay.

Sorry for all the discomfort you had to go through because of me and my sometimes childish behaviour, You were my one true love.

In your love, free from hypocrisy, I not only found Love but came to realize the true meaning of Love!

I loved how you made time out for anyone who came across your path and how you never gave up on them.

I loved how you named me and gave me a name that was uniquely mine for you. I love how you took your time to do everything you did for me.

Whether it was feeding me, visiting me, forgiving me or giving a gift to a loved one on my behalf.

I remember telling you; “the way you spoil me, I will be too spoilt for anyone o” and you telling me once; “may you find another mumu like me”.

How right you were! Mo Love e gan! Mo miss e gan! I have not come across anyone quite like you!

I miss writing Yoruba with you, I miss sharing your ‘code language’ with you. I miss your beautiful smile and laughter, I miss your gentle touch, I miss your generosity, I miss your long neck, I miss your cute nose.

I miss your ‘barely there’ hugs, I miss your deep-intense look.

There never has been one like you, there never will be, you are one of a Kind.

Saint Wehla mi.

Even now you have been silenced for two years, I still ‘obey you in my subconscious’, because it took a lot of efforts to teach me; “Submission”, it was never my way! It has really helped me.

In your words, “It is a Man’s duty to Love, a woman’s to submit”.

It was difficult for me, I managed to grasp it! When people ask why I am so strong or so tolerant, how many of them will I explain to, that I have you to thank for that?

You are my one true love and that you will always be, Soledad mi.

I remember you taking me to the hospital when I had cut my finger in the kitchen while trying to impress you with my culinary skills, even though you or your protégé usually cooked for me and you had told me; you were not marrying a wife to do your chores. Gently you drove, which was quite unusual, patiently you waited while the Doctor attended to my wound, even though you later told me you did not know your way around the hospital as you scarcely visited yourself. While I fidgeted with the dressing, you went and brought Cellotape to hold the plaster on!

Thank you for teaching me how to pick up pace while walking as you always had to ‘slooooooowww downnnn’ while walking with me.

Thank you for showing me this beautiful side of you, for giving me memories I will cherish for life!

It was important almost scheduled for me to meet you when I did. Thanks for being my deepest and greatest strenght.

Your love renewed and refreshed me my baby, it still does.

No matter how far away you were, you managed to be so close! Spending hours on the phone, sending pictures of your day, etc. Two are my favorite of all time, one of them is this;

This is how I will remember you; kind and loving to everyone who crosses your path till we meet again!

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