I have felt so emotionally drained over the past few days.
A foreboding feeling I can not lay my hands on. Sometimes I feel like; what if everything falls apart tomorrow? What if someone says something to ruin my reputation?
What if someone publishes false news about me? What if I lose someone dear to me?
I quickly reject all these dark thoughts and focus.
Later, I think to myself; what if someone very great is going through my profile at the moment? Then, I am like; No joor! I don’t want my fame or my money to be attributed to one person, rather I want it to be something that even the weakest of the weak, the poorest of the poor can glean from and say; “Look who Aina used to be, look who she is now. Her faith in God never wavered, now God has done it for her” that is to say; I want my success to be pinned on God alone.
Later, I think; “is God not taking too long to answer me? What if I help God, like I already know I am going to be great and all?
Then, later, I am thinking; what exactly are people like these talking about?
Which people now? The kayanmata sellers; Favour oil, Attraction oil, incense, etc! sellers.
I mean it looks and sounds so interesting with the way they marinate their testimonies with ‘Biblical verses’, Faith and prayers.
Then, I go ahead and look at it again and see that at the end of the day, there is a central theme that does not agree with my beliefs or mindset and then make up my mind never to engage in such.
Other days, I am very excited and think; “wow, sometime very soon, I will be a very important person that people will look up to, I will be able to influence decisions and assist those who come to me better.”
At the end of the day, I make up my mind and conclude that;
What God has destined to be, will be.